Child abuse - the effects
Emotional abuse and neglect - how it effects its victims
Child abuse in all forms can have a devastating effect. Emotional abuse attacks the child's self-worth and makes the world seem unsafe and untrustworthy.
We often hear horrific stories of children being beaten to death, tortured, sexually abused and more. The statistics are frightening, but unfortunately they only represent the tip of the iceberg, with most cases of abuse going unreported. Most abused and neglected children never come to the attention of government authorities, particularly in the case of sexually abused, emotionally abused and neglected children, who often don’t exhibit any physical symptoms. My focus in this article will be emotional abuse, a form of abuse which is often given less importance than other forms of abuse in terms of its long-term effects on the victims.
Emotional abuse is defined as any behaviour which interferes with a child's mental health or social development. This includes name-calling, shaming, shouting and yelling at the child, comparing the child to others in a negative manner, and making the child feel worthless or a failure. It also includes failing to give the child the affection and support necessary for the development of a child's emotional, social, physical and intellectual well-being. This includes withholding physical affection, not telling the child he/she is loved and cared for, withdrawal of attention, and lack of praise and support.
Whilst we may wonder how any parent or person responsible for caring for a child could be so hurtful and destructive, it is less difficult to imagine the effect this can have on the victims of emotional abuse. The effects are devastating. Most people can’t imagine not ever being held by a parent, being told they are loved and comforted when upset, or imagine what it feels like to desperately crave feeling someone’s arms around them. What if this goes on for years and years? And what if this neglect is accompanied by constant name-calling, belittling and humiliation by the person or persons who are supposed to protect you from this type of behaviour?
Whilst some children are playing and beginning to discover the world around them with enthusiasm and innocence, others are experiencing an inner struggle, trying to survive in a world which doesn’t feel safe and which doesn’t provide them with the love and support they need. The extent to which abuse in the home can affect children varies from child to child as everyone copes in their own way and has their own unique set of circumstances. However, it is very common for victims of emotional abuse to feel worthless, coupled with an inner belief that the world is not a safe place to live in…that no-one can be trusted. The pain and anger which result from emotional abuse can have such a damaging effect on one’s life for years to come that it can lead to self-destructive behaviours such as substance abuse or self-harm and even suicide.
The struggle is a daily one. It involves the letting go of hurt and pain which is so deep it runs through every vein in your body. It involves trying to develop relationships when your earliest and most important relationships almost destroyed you. And it involves trying to lower your defences for long enough to let someone in, to see the real you. It’s a very personal struggle but I’d like to believe that all victims of emotional abuse can rise above the pain and suffering they experienced and learn to love and be loved. Only then can those who have suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to love and care for them finally let go of the pain and feel free to live again.
